Yoda

Throughout my life I’ve pictured my inner self in different ways. One of my favorite alter egos was a black jazz singer from the late 30s. I imagined myself in a red fringe lined dress in some smoky night club singing to drown out the sorrow of a love gone wrong.  Another favorite is the warrior angel riding a white horse loping off the heads of those who dared defy my God and King. These imagined avatars are not created consciously.  They just kind of appear on the outskirts of my imagination and take on a life of their own superimposed on the much more mundane reality.

Now, the fertile field of my imagination has me in the form of Yoda.  Something has changed the warrior into the wizard. Could it just be the result of age? I’m not sure that age alone would cause such a shift. Yoda had all the power. He was so attuned to the Force that he could do anything. Yet, he chose to do very little. His focus was on the development of his relationship with the Force and the mentoring of the others.

For the last month I’ve been standing over a deep chasm, under one foot I had the certainty of the way I’ve always known. Under the other foot was a different way of conceptualizing the world. In between lies the truth.  I look at the concept of a grace/truth continuum.  Grace is fundamental to our understanding of God. Truth is fundamental to our understanding of God. Even though both are fundamental, the impact of working from one world view or the other has created chasms that separate people. These divisions keep those who love the same things far apart. Sometimes it feels like love is the X-wing fighter sinking in the swamp.

I guess the avatars tell something of who we want to be. I want to exhibit that otherworldly peace of a person who is intimately connected with something so much bigger than themselves. I want to be able to throw off all the cares of the world and do just as I am commanded-no more, no less. I want to watch as those I love become stronger, guiding them but fading deeper into the background as each day passes. I want to be the kind of person who can share whatever I have that is of value and keep only that which holds no good.  So, I imagine myself as a little old alien with no apparent value outside of a deep, abiding relationship with the greatest force imaginable.