The race

  Everything hurts. There doesn't seem to be one place on my physical body that isn't filled with a dull, aching pain. How different this is from the last few days.
A few days ago, nothing hurt. A few days ago, I ran a literal race. My body, though it struggled with breath, moved through the motions and allowed my mind to wander. In my thoughts, I heard time and again that my God is amazing. That each runner in the race was unique and wonderfully made. That each runner was running the race he or she had been assigned. That each of us was on a spiritual path, each at a different point with a different lesson to learn.  During the race, my heart sang praisees.
Now, every joint aches. The memory of that race teases me and I wonder how this body with all its issues had run.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" Ephesians 2:8 (NIV)
The mystery is that God provided the grace for me to run that race. He created a desire in me to try such a thing. Then, He provided a coach and an opportunity. Then, He held me as I ran. Through His great love, I did something I should not have been able to do.
And, not just me. I saw my friend who prefers to hide step boldly into the spotlight. I saw her proclaim God's love in boldness.
And, not just her. I saw a student leave behind her sorrow and dance for the Lord.
And, not just her. I saw many others walking in obedience, overcoming issues and fears, all through the grace of our Father.
But now, everything hurts. It hurts and I'm tired and there is noone here to play praise music for me. Now, I have to call on my Father's grace, not out of strength and excitement, but out of weakness and pain. Remembering that His grace is available is hard. Remembering that is is abundant seems impossible. Until...
Until in the still, small, fleeting moment, I reach outside of myself and feel His love surrounding me. Like running from lightpost to lightpost, I know my goal is to reach one of those moments and that the moment will sustain me until the next moment. And, as I reach each goal, I am able to trust that I will reach the next one. Yes, everything hurts but I know that soon it will not hurt. Soon, there will be a reprieve. Soon

The Preparing Time

“And when they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the LORD carried Philip away, and the eunuch saw him no more, and went on his way rejoicing. But Philip found himself at Azotus, and as he passed through he preached the gospel to all the towns until he came to Caesarea.” Acts 8:39-40.

Many people tell the story of Philip meeting the Ethiopian eunuch, explaining the scripture to him, and baptizing him. It is a good story. It starts with Philip obeying the Spirit of the Lord. Anything that starts that way has to be good right? Well, maybe right. The surprise comes when Philip is transported to Azotus. I’m pretty sure going to Azotus wasn’t on Philip’s original to-do list.

Philip seemed to be working on a thriving ministry in Samaria. Then he is called to go to the desert. Our Lord rarely gives us a reason to do what we are called to do. We are simply called to do it.

Now, I am being called to wait. I do not like being called to wait. I am a do-er by nature. My dreams are filled with action and adventure. My heart sings in a place of busyness with things to do and people to meet. The days of preparing are long and quiet.

In the stillness, doubt threatens to sneak in. Like a serpent, sliding coldly up to my ear, whispering “You are not good enough.”  I know now to call him on those lies but the tactics are many. He throws wounding dart after wounding dart and though I rebuke and speak truth, the darts threaten to worm their way into my heart.

Then, I read of Philip. His whole plan disrupted for the salvation of one eunuch. When God calls, he goes and then finds himself somewhere else entirely. This is the message of my God. We are to go, relying only on Him to make it to our destination.  We are to spread the gospel. We are to reach each person placed in our path. We are to go out as sheep among wolves, knowing that since our God is for us, none can harm us.

I am reminded of the question I ask the girls when they doubt, what is possible negative outcome. If we live, it is good. We get to continue in service and fellowship here. If we die, it is good. We get to go home.  If we are hurt, we know the pain is only temporary. We will either be healed or go home.   The preparing time is not easy or fun but it is necessary.