He is adorable you know. When he came to us, he was scrawny and quiet. He would eat anything you gave him. I remember feeding him green beans for the first time. He wrinkled his little eyebrows and looked at me like I was terribly mean but he ate them. He just kept eating them even though it was obvious he didn't like them. We switched to applesauce after a few bites. He seemed so relieved.
I look at him and think, he'll be gone soon. I hate not knowing what his future holds. I imagine him next Christmas. What a mess he will be. He is so strong and strong willed. He will know what the presents are and want to play with them. Now he just wants to see what the ornaments do when you hit them. Next year...
I think sometimes that its not fair that I don't know how long I'll get to hold him. It's not fair that I've fallen in love with this little guy and at any minute he could be gone. I'm holding on as tightly as I can ready at any moment to let go. I think sometimes that it's not fair.
Then I think, all of our children are here for a limited time. We get to hold them and love them until its time to let them go. This little guy is no different from my girls. I know that God will take care of each of them and I know he will take care of me. Whatever he allows in our lives, he prepares us to handle. And though my heart screams at the thought of losing any of them, I know, KNOW with a strange calm that whatever happens will be ok. God is an incomprehensible being but he is love. He knew that Moses would argue with a burning bush and created Moses for that purpose. He knew that Mary would accept the role of Jesus' mother and created her for that purpose. These are not the people I would chose for their roles but thankfully he is so much more than I can ever be. He can handle our arguments, our tears, our screams, our joyful praise, our dance. He can handle each of us. He is God and he loves us.
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