The Beginning

This is the beginning-the place where things start. The most amazing things begin in this space. This is the space where now, the future, and what was all intersect. This is the sharp intake of breath the moment before the smoke covers your eyes. Not the moment when the smoke hits. That moment is the end. This is the moment when it begins.

This is the beginning of the story. It is a story that begins and ends in one breath and it is a breath that paused for years. It is the story of a road traveled daily. It is the story of love and growth and pain and joy. It is the story of one life. In all honesty it is the story of one very small life in the grand scheme of things. In all humility it is the story of one life lived in relation to a million other lives. But ultimately, it is a story of our Father’s love and salvation found in the Son.

God is found in the paradox. He is so simple. I AM. That is all that we need to understand. How though do we understand I AM? Within that simple statement are so many bits and pieces to ponder. Like the bit about creation- or even more difficult to consider-Jesus. And if we, in a moment of divine clarity, grasp a tiny bit of that concept there are a million more to consider: snakes, tornados, roses, cookies, wine, shrimp, mothers, baklava, onions…a million more to consider.

So in the paradox we find the Father. He isn’t found in the obvious but He is always present. For the beginning we can start with something easy.

I’m not sure where anyone else keeps their memories. I try to keep mine wrapped up neatly in a box off the left side of my mind. They don’t stay there. They pop out unexpectedly. Like the night I tasted strawberry ice cream and became that little girl I was sometime in years past. Other times, they refuse to even peek out of the box. I try desperately to remember an event and the memory sits stubbornly just out of reach. But there was some point to this, some point beyond memory. Ah yes, the beginning.

There was a time before I knew about snakes. I knew about Eve and her issues with serpents but I didn’t personally know about snakes. I’m not sure why I decided that snakes were awful. Maybe it was the picture in my children’s Bible. The picture of the beautiful woman and man standing beside the tree holding an apple while the snake looked straight into their eyes. Or, perhaps it was the story of the mongoose and the awful cobras.

But the beginning happened one summer day in the neighborhood with streets lined in magnolia trees. The back yard was amazing. I would step out on the concrete back steps with the swirly iron railings. On my left was a thick line of juniper trees with their brilliant lacy green leaves and complicated blue berries. To the right was an enormous pecan tree. Directly in front was a white garage that divided the front part of the yard from the back. The passage way to the back was lined with asparagus plants. They were magnificent. They were the perfect hiding place for fairies and angels. The far side of the garage was lined in blackberry bushes.
It was the in the blackberry bushes where the beginning happened. One summer day in my magical neighborhood I reached my hand into the bush to grab a berry. One quick bite before dinner and no one would ever know. As I reached in, a snake slithered through the branches and over my toes.

In that moment, I took flight. In that moment, I realized that the beauty surrounding me was tainted. It was tainted beyond any hope of reconciliation. My back yard that held so many intricate examples of God’s creation held the most horrible of all the creations. How was I supposed to step foot in that yard ever again? The rest of the summer I lurked just inside the kitchen door looking out the small window at my playground terrified that if I were to step out there the snakes would swarm.

And that was the beginning. It is a somewhat sad, almost pathetic beginning but it was the beginning. Up to that point, God was easy. God was there. God created us. God loved us. God would protect us. There was safety. Then, in that moment, all safety was removed. The terror of the unknown washed over me and held me. That though was just the beginning. The rest of the story is much happier. Well, it ends well anyway.