The Tower

I didn’t want to go down 3211. So many times I’ve driven down that road and encountered our God. Today I didn’t want to take a chance of encountering God. I’m mad at God. I’m mad and I don’t understand and part of me wants to run so far away that…oh wait, I can’t run away from God. So the next best thing would be to avoid His touch.
I have the defense built up. This ugly tower that is insulating me from that particular pain. It is thrown together pieces of scrap metal with nails jutting out of the corners and I’m huddled in the middle like a little girl with two skinned knees from the race she lost because she let the other girl push her down. I know all it would take to knock down the tower would be a hand outstretched in love. But I also know that if that tower comes down, the pain that has been seeping in through the cracks will come in a flood and there is a good chance it will wash me away. Oh wait, I can’t be swept away from God. His touch will hold me until the flood is over.
The first event, x, was supposed to lead to the next event, y, and together they would equal z. “Z” would be the best thing ever. X to Y =Z. I never was very good with Algebra though. Once letters got into the equations, I would always get confused. Apparently God wanted X to Y to W to M to whatever before we get to Z. I’m not even sure there is a Z now. Oh wait, I know there is a Z because there is a God and He loves us.
Now I’m back to the little girl with two skinned knees crying on the sidewalk. I don’t know how to get up because when I do the thin scabs that have barely formed will rip open and the nerves will scream. I’m crying and I’m mad and embarrassed and I don’t understand. I don’t know what to do next. If I call for help someone will know …Oh wait, God already knows and I’m not hiding from Him. I’m not hiding from Him or anyone else. I’m trying to hold together a tower that isn’t even really there. It’s just an imaginary defense.
So I turn down 3211 at the very last minute. God is not standing there resplendent. There are no angels. There aren’t even any birds. There is nothing but the road. New song starts to play “Every little that I believed would be just slips away like water…” I can feel His hand on my shoulder and the pieces of scrap metal start slipping down. X was supposed to lead to Y which should have led to Z but this is God’s equation. My job was X and I may never know what comes next. I do know that God is God and I can trust Him. That will be enough.