The Rock Star vs the Mom

My mind is a flurry today. Ok not just today, all week. To make it more interesting, I'm stuck at home with a sick baby. 
One of my favorite flurries today is to think about how God has worked things so that I have this particular baby at this particular time. There is no way I could have successfully helped this baby a few years ago.  My temper was too quick. My impatience was even more pronounced than it is now. I still feel like I'm on speed in a world that's chosen valium as its drug of choice. But now I know that its ok. It is ok that my mind flies off leaving me staring off into a vacuum as long as I can keep my mouth quiet.  Our family would not have been able to offer this baby his sanctuary a few years ago. Now the biggest question is how long will we be his sanctuary. How many more days until he is gone? How will he reintegrate into the other family unit? Will they be able to care for him like we do? And then I hear, God took care of him before you got him. God will take care of him all his life. I give that burden back to God and go on to think about my inner rock star.
3211 was a really long road yesterday. Everyone in the car was tired and stressed.  All the familiar twists and turns seemed to tease me with threats of hay bales or cops while my ever wandering mind lingered on thoughts of "the rock star". Somewhere beneath this veneer of quiet mom lies a rock star. She is the woman who commands the attention of everyone when she walks in the room.  She is dressed in the most shocking fashions. She says the most shocking things. She doesn't care what anyone says about her because she is "all that".
For a long time I denied her. I thought she was obnoxious and vain.  I denied her and squished her into a little ball.  She isn't all bad though. She is the essence of self confidence even if that self confidence is really God confidence. True Jesus girls don't measure themselves the way the world measures women.  Their words are shocking because the truth is shocking. The only person they are trying to impress is Jesus because he is "all that". So I will welcome back the rock star.