The Secret

Quiet now. See I started talking about 3211. I had put off talking about 3211 for many months now. I really don't want to go so public with so many details.  Those quiet little details that determine the direction of the rest of your life are frequently not easy to share.  But as I sit in the quiet house that familiar little tug says "its time". Time to tell more of the story of 3211.
   Illness eats away at more than one's physical self.  Constant battles to breath, or take care of your children, or to help eat away at your emotional self.  Then the medicines change the way your think and feel.  Soon, the days and nights become so challenging that without reliance on God there is no hope. Faith seems impossible sometimes, But God always finds a way.
  I had gone home to sleep for an hour or two before I ran back into town to pick up the two older girls from school and Zoe from daycare.  Without those naps, I couldn't function. Everything seemed so hopeless. I couldn't do half of what needed to be done. Just holding my arms up to drive was taking all the energy I had. I could see the sadness, fear, and anger in the eyes of my girls.  I couldn't change it. I kept trying and trying and nothing changed.  Driving down the road, the tears started falling and I started talking to God.
  The clouds seemed to open just beyond the upcoming curve. Like a beautiful painting, I could see Him sitting there in His majestic throne.  Immense, surrounded by light, regal, holy and with his arms open to me.  I saw myself running to him. He gathered me in His arms and brought me onto His lap.  Like a grandfather consoling a hurt child, He held me against His chest.  All the pain and tears poured out from me and a peace began to replace it.  In that moment, I realized how much He loves us.  The King and Creator of the Universe opening His arms to console this dirty, whiny child.
   I'm well now, Praise Him. But when the days prove harder than I can stand, I look at that curve in the road. I can see that beautiful picture and feel His arms around me.  I know then that until He calls me home I can fight through whatever pain may come. I also know that when He calls me home He will have a place for me.