From the past

How strange to see the past decorating the present. Like rediscovered diamonds, the learning from years before shines now. Some say that our God has plan A and plan B for our lives. That our decisions change our path like the “Choose Your Own Adventure” stories I loved so much in middle school. The books would have a beginning but at decisive points the reader was give options. If you chose A, then you would go to one ending. If B, your path would wind down to another ending. So many options lay out before you. Your decisions impacted everything.  Others say that God has ordered every steps and knows the choices we will make before we make them. Our lives read like a traditional novel. The author has conceived of every twist and turn and knows the ending.

I have no idea which way our God works. Some days I want to think that God, in control of every breath has ordered everything from time before beginning to time after end. That in each choice and decision I make, my God has preordained what I will choose and the outcome will be as God desires. Then, I run into my selfish, angry self and make choices that hurt me and others.  Choices that lure me far away from the loving hand of my God and in despair I cry out “Oh Lord, come to my rescue”

I do know that our God loves us. When I look at the impact of my past on my future, I see the hand of God. How else to explain a book that impacted me in a philosophy class in 1994 coming again into my life in a church service in 2012? It could be mere coincident if all the supporting details were left unexplored. But taken in the totality of experience it is easy to see that what was begun so many years ago is being redeveloped now.

All the pain and challenges that I have walked through since that first reading have added beauty and depth to the picture it paints now. All the joy that I have felt and tasted brings fullness to each thought. Who else but a God of love could take each wandering step and bring it into a delightful tapestry capable of impacting not just one but the community of believers?  The mysteries of my God are beyond my ability to comprehend. The grace/truth continuum is enough to hold my brain hostage for months. Add in the problem of love and holiness and I’m pondering for years. But in the end it comes down to the faith of a child. It is this way because it is this way. In the end we will have answers but the answers may not matter in the face of our awesome God who will wipe away our tears and restore us to our home.